I’m not going to get all dramatic about this. I’m not going to talk about the hurt and the pain and the sheer injustice of it all. Let’s just get to the point. Hands up if you’ve been Vaginashamed post birth? I know I have. I know it was used as a tool to make me feel insecure about my body. I know I’m not the only one. Phrases such as “it’s so big you could fit a whole hand up it” “you’re ruined now” “no man will want that” are just a few beautiful descriptive gems of my lady pocket.
Fast forward. I’m single. I find myself worrying about my vagina. Googling vaginoplasty and coming across strange LA sex gurus who can hold dumbbells with their vaginas alone (Kim Anami I’m looking at you. Please note this is well worth a google search she really does have a steel vag). I can’t afford a designer vagina and I got bored of using a jade egg every night to seemingly no avail.
So true to form, I began to obsess…
What if my next boyfriend finds himself lost in a cosmic vaginal universe of which there is no escape? What if my next baby falls straight out into the world like he’s doing umbilical bungee? What if I never have a next baby because no man wants to go near the Clyde Tunnel of vaginas?
I look at my son’s head. He’s got a big head. That’s it I’m ruined for life.
It took me a while to get back my confidence. I felt undesirable. I found out I wasn’t the only one. So for any ladies out there who’s ex partners or current partners are describing the pussy as anything less than “bomb” this is for you.
Ok so here’s the upshot. Give a MASSIVE, MASSIVE middle finger to vaginashaming. Here are the facts.
1. The vagina is a muscle. It is weakened after birth but with pelvic floor exercises it regains strength. Just like your stomach or arm muscles it can be built right back up to its former glory.
2. If a man is such a pig as to insult the very Canal that brought his precious child into the world then he is nothing more than a disgusting human.
3. If you have a genuine medical problem after birth it can be resolved in several ways. Physiotherapy and operations are available on the NHS to rectify incontinence issues and severe slacking of the muscles.
4. Your body was designed to do this! Men have been having sex with women post birth for centuries … original girl boss Cleopatra had already given birth when she snared Marc Anthony, I don’t think he complained …
Most guys are just happy to be let near your vagina at all, and trust me it’s not as bad as you think. If a guy is overly concerned with “tightness” or making you feel bad about your body there are plenty of wonderful, loving men out there to replace him. Your vagina is a superhero. That is all ☮️

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