The Naked Question


I never grew up in a “naked” house, but somehow I’ve become a semi naked house. I thought nothing of getting changed in front of my children (who are three and four years old, and male). I carried on this custom until I spoke to my ex’s mother. She was horrified. She seemed to think it would disturb the children to see their mother in such an intimate way, and said she spent years hiding herself from her son.

My children often barge into the bathroom anyway, and chatter at me while I’m in the bath or shower, so it’s often a fruitless pursuit trying to cover up. I have no husband or boyfriend to keep them distracted while I go about the business of being a perfectly normal human. The only alternative to this is wearing a wetsuit in the shower, or washing and getting changed in the dead of night, lest they catch sight of an errant boob or some pubes.

What am I supposed to do? I asked myself, while I pondered the possibility that I had unwittingly turned my children into sexual deviants. Were they now scarred for life? My ex’s mother seemed to think so. She described a time she saw a neighbour’s son in his boxers and how she never felt the same again. How my disregard for the uglies could forge similar disturbances with my sons. Her face screwed and unscrewed, like a pug having a good hard think.

I decided to Google it. Here’s what I found:

Hippie types: The human body is beautiful, there’s no need to hide it or be ashamed. It’s reality.

Why I agree: I don’t see the point in hiding it. It IS reality. We are the only animal in existence that fashions garments to cover our skin.

Why I disagree: My body isn’t beautiful it’s a potato.

Conservative types: Boys will get a strange sexual fixation on their mother

That’s just bullshit.

Parent websites: mixed bag

I don’t know where I stand. I’m certainly going to make more effort to hide it as they get older, I don’t think any fourteen year old boy appreciates his naked mother. But if they catch me getting changed so be it, I’m not going to book them in with a psychiatrist. I doubt they will still want to chat me while I have a bath at that age anyway…




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